Life has become so fucked up, I’m at the lowest point of my life where every day I think of s*icide The only problem that I had was dealing with people, this is the part I always struggled to understand dealing with humans, trying to understand their behaviors And now here I am all heartbroken, nobody by my side, always laying in bed crying waiting for a miracle to pop up when I obviously know no miracle is showing my way. and you know the worst part?
When everyone thinks your life is so perfect and so many expectations that you can’t even share what you go through and you cant even die Well I had friends everything was going nice but I never liked this girl got some bad energy from her and at the end what I expected came true and she made all my friends against me But now this overthinking is killing me every second, I don’t blame her, was I that bad to be replaced so easily? Even if she did manipulate, how could they get manipulated so easily? After all, it was their choice, so all this time I considered them my friend, but They never did, wow this realization has made me so mad that all I do now is isolate myself from everyone and just think was something wrong with me or were they not suitable for me I don’t know what to do anymore They all have fun, never invite me, they don’t care if I’m dead or alive unless they need something, and you know the worst part is in all this chaos you had one good friend who you thought would never leave your side, but guess what, and now I’m really questioning myself, is my time going wrong for everyone to be going against me, I feel so vulnerable and like I don’t know what to do I rethink all the things that has happened and what led everyone to be against me, and I”ve been trying to think where did I go wrong to be left so alone to die.
Sometimes i get angry at myself and sometimes at others , i have got so much potential i know, and I dont deserve this, but it’s out of my control, nothing seems to be aligned, i’ going crazy Should I just focus on my career and think and move everythin will go better and I will get new friends or should I just accept the fate as it is But this question of will I will ever be important to anyone? Would I ever be enough? Why am I never able to understand the human relationships and how it functions, I do good to people and I expect the same, but it isn’t as easy, its soo complicated for me, I wish to god I never had to deal with this thing I thought it’s okay it’s better to be alone than to have toxic friends, but when everyone leaves you so easily, you think are you the toxic one? And all these past memories, rethinking and analyzing what went wrong and all just kills you, you will never figure it out, acceptance is the key, but it’s so difficult to accept, and when you finally think it’s okay even if I’m alone but when people see you as a bad person without you doing anything just because of other and then the cycle continues of people treating you like shit because they see you so vulnerable and weak, and when you stop sharing your problems or emotions, and then you become distant and distant and you just wanna die it’s the most pathetic feeling one can get.
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Do I have to worry about my friends and having a friend circle or am I fine alone? It hurts my heart when I see other friends doing so much for them and helping them I don’t have any When the thing is I would also die for them, but they wouldn’t break a pencil for me, it hurts so bad and it hurts more when they deny doing something for you but happily do the same thing for others all these things had made me question my own existence and reality That’s why sometimes I even think Should I ger married so that I’ll have someone by my side or should I just be in this painful situation forever it is killing my happiness, I’m going into depression, I don’t even have a motivation to wake up in the morning please help me
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