I guess I’m just an ordinary individual suffering from mental breakdown like many of the single Nepalese residents in this land. I live all alone in a one-bedroom apartment. Was all happy and everything was going flawless before this COVID. Lost a proper full-time job, with car’s financing due, bills piled up. But everything’s getting sorted out slowly however every time I get home I waste hours and hours laying on the bed thinking about things that fucks up my brain really bad. These days I get scared at night for nonsense reasons. I even keep waking up at nights then my mind drives me crazy struggling to fall back asleep. I even suffer from something unusual sometimes, which is suffocation while I’m asleep. As if someone’s choking me. Kind of like paralysis where you feel everything but you can barely move your body.
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Apparently it’s nothing serious and happens to many individuals. Life’s a mess. The only moment I experience true peace is when I’m at the gym. Then again the thoughts of returning back to the loneliness cave which is sadly my home after the gym kills me. All of this has resulted in a horrible situation. From losing all my years achieved gains from the gym to hair fall to being a chain smoker to losing all my motivations and being all negative. Nothing’s really under my control at the moment. Night has been a devil for me days are not that evil. Mostly at work if not with my boys. I don’t drink or do drugs as I’m a hardcore fitness person. Not someone who would drink or smoke some blunts to kill sorrows and suffering. Rarely do any of those.
I don’t wish to go back to the same stage where I once was during my first days in Australia. This might probably be the shittiest confession you’ve ever read with my confession leading to no single root but rather branches of problems and complaints. Sending all my apologies if I wasted your time with my confession. If anyone lives nearby Wiley Park and loves to go for a drive at nights that’d be awesome. Sometimes perhaps during sleepless nights? Looking at a way to kill my loneliness and sleepless nights.
Best regards, A mentally broken down Being.
Male 25
Sydney
